| Articles |  |
 |
Character Flaws; Everybody has them! | |
A patient came to my office because she was upset that someone was named a saint by the Catholic Church. As a child she knew the women and didn't like her. Once she had seen a character flaw in that saint. Years later, she was still angry about it. Sinners and saints all have character flaws. Some are much worse than others. These flaws tend to aggravate us. You recognize them in others. Character can be defined as that blend of virtues and flaws that make up your moral fiber. My personal view is that character is the robe of qualities, both good and bad, that your soul wears as it presents itself to the world. We judge a person's character by the flaws that we see. Flaws make a personality colorful. We all have them and we vicariously enjoy another person's struggle with them So when I tell you that everyone has character flaws, you aren't too surprised. If I told you that it is not necessarily bad however that we have our flaws, you might think that peculiar. So let me ask your patience before hand, though if impatience is one of your flaws it might be difficult. You, and everybody you know have some flaws. They seem to be tenaciously ingrained in our being. They tend to stay with us for our entire lives. Psychologists and Psychiatrists believe character can't be changed because it is the substrata of personality and far too deep. They are partially correct. For centuries, however, development of character has been utmost in the minds of educators. Today it is self-esteem. (Yawn) How standards have been lowered. When you do those things that are consistent with your virtues - those things you esteem - self-esteem takes care of itself. Character flaws have traditionally been seen as the key to discovering your self potential. Each and every flaw that creates havoc in your life is the key to uncovering which virtue you must work on in order to discover you full potential. Everybody has certain character traits that they are born with. If you have raised even one child you know that to be true. Freud and his turn of the century colleagues, though well intentioned, mistakenly believed we came in "Tabula Rasa." That means "clean slate," empty. They believed that nurturing molded one's personality. But we humans aren't that simple. In the East, Vedantic philosophy talks of Samskars or ingrained traits that are carry-overs from past lives. These Samskars color one's character. They are the deep issues that carry the "Big" karmic lessons. Western society, being scientific, believes in the idea that some of our traits are biologically programmed in. Simply speaking, you were born with it. It is your nature. These character traits then are by definition relatively impossible to change. So character seems to be looked at as a relatively static mix of good and bad traits that make up your moral fiber. For millennia though, both East and West have dealt with the issue of these almost intractable negative character traits. Changing character has been a priority since the dawn of civilization. In order to change these flaws, you need to know what they are and how they effect you. What does a flaw look like? I address this issue thoroughly in my upcoming book, Flawless! - Your top ten character flaws and what to do about them. Let me give you a quick preview. Do you know anyone who is addicted to being right? You probably know more than one. It is the most common of all character flaws. How about a person who is chronically dishonest? You probably watch the same politicians as I do, who would rather stand on their heads to lie when they could more easily sit down and be honest. They go the extra mile to deceive, not because they choose too, but because they are compelled to. Character flaws are experienced as compelling. That doesn't let any one off the hook. Do you know anyone who becomes quickly enraged? I call that flaw "Raging Indignation." You might be able to get away with it if you are a dictator somewhere, but unfortunately most people who have it are lucky to be someone else's boss. What about Inadequacy? Have you ever noticed that some people use inadequacy as an excuse for everything. "Don't blame me. I'm inadequate and don't want any responsibility," they say to the Blamers and Resentful. Blame is another common flaw. The list goes on and on. I will outline ten major flaws for you over the coming weeks. Hopefully you will get the idea that you have one or two of them already. Or better yet, you will come to realize that the flaw has you and it is time to do something about it. There are ample reasons for trying to change a flaw. Don't buy the excuse that character can't be changed. God can change anything, even your character if you are willing. As I identify flaws this winter - or better yet as you identify a flaw or two within your character - become willing to change. Life will provide the lessons to teach you how to let go of the flaw. I will give you some guidelines, and guidance for dealing with them. If you recognize that you came into this world as an imperfect being , become willing to acknowledge that imperfection and see what happens. You can change your character. Usually it takes something profound. We call these character building events. For some it is a trauma or an emotional bottom, for others an event of unusual joy. Regardless of what it takes for you, remember that changing even one flaw into a virtue will literally change your destiny. |
||
 |
||
|
|
