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Admitting you're Wrong - The key to Dignified Humility | |
So know that you know you have the character flaw addicted to being right, is there anything that you can do about it? There surely is. Let's take an in depth look at some of the strategies for turning a this common flaw into the virtue, humility. Flaws exist because they are a response to a challenge or a trauma that threatens us, not because people are innately bad. this is not meant to deny that there are bad people out there. There most certainly are. I just don't believe that anyone is hopelessly flawed. A little bit of willingness goes a long way along the path of personal transformation. A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.--Joseph Addison Let's say you have the willingness to change and you now know that you are addicted to being right. The first thing you should do is congratulate yourself. It's okay that you have it. I'm as serious as a heart attack about that. Most people who are addicted to being right never even get to this point. They never become conscious of the fact that they may just possibly have a flaw. As my late father would say, "I am never wrong, except when I think I am wrong." He was addicted to being right, but never admitted it. It's too bad because character flaws definitely make life more difficult. You might agree that they make like more interesting too, but life is interesting enough without having a lot of baggage to carry around. It is far wiser to release your own and observe the flaws of others. So ask yourself this unusual question: How is addicted to being right useful? Every flaw serves a purpose. Your mind doesn't bother going through the trouble of obsessing about being right without some perceived payback. What is the reward? Addicted to being right often signals the need to tread lightly. It shows that the person has issues. One might be trying to save face or hold on to self esteem. What ever the reason is for you, next time you are caught being addicted to being right, try a new tact. Try seeing it as an opportunity to admit you're wrong. How is admitting you're wrong helpful? Admitting you are wrong shows you're human. Most of my patients with this flaw knew they were human and didn't need to show it. At least that is what they thought. In fact people who are addicted to being right are often criticized for not being compassionate and caring about others. I don't mean to imply that you should admit you're wrong just as a way to manipulate others into believing you're human. Admitting you are wrong is a way of being real with people. Admitting you are wrong requires less maintenance How often have you met someone who demanded perfection of themselves. These unfortunate types flip-flop between demanding perfection and giving up. They demand so much of themselves that they prime themselves for failure. Accepting our own imperfections requires honesty. It the long run honesty requires much less maintenance. Admitting you are wrong is associated with high self esteem. Self-esteem is that feeling of value you place on yourself based on your view of your past history, your body, and your thoughts. On a deeper level it has to do with who you believe you are in the depths of your being. People with high self esteem are rarely addicted to being right. Admitting you are wrong is associated with resourcefulness. Low self-esteem makes a person less resourceful and prone to being addicted to being right. A person who is able to admit being wrong is more resourceful because he believes he has the right to develop new capabilities. Admitting your wrong breeds an environment of tolerance. I've been wrong enough to know that you and others are capable of making mistakes too. We all do. Admitting to being wrong creates an environment of tolerance, not just personal tolerance, but tolerance of others. Admitting your wrong creates open-mindedness. By that I mean a more willing environment for you opinions to be reviewed. This is extremely important if you are in search of the truth. Open-mindedness is an essential ingredient to discovering the truth. Admitting your wrong will help point out where you sound stupid. This may not be a high priority on the list of things sought for by someone who is addicted to being right, but as one becomes more mature it is important to know where you sound like a fool and how to correct it. Addicted to being right sounds fairly lame to people who are interested in truth and high ideals so you may as well figure out early on in life where you sound stupid. Why wait to correct that? Lastly it is important to admit your wrong and then listen. Learning to listen after admitting you are wrong is a powerful way to get a fine education. You will learn much more by listening to others that by talking. Duty and Dignity Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than they love truth.--Joseph Jouber It is your duty to search for truth. It is everyone's responsibility to seek what is right and just. Being mature enough to admit that you are wrong lend dignity to you. It also insures that you will remain open minded about life. Let me take you through a process of responding to being addicted to being right. 1. Notice that you are upset when someone else doesn't agree that you are right. This is the first step in the process. It is a simple awareness that you are in reaction. 2. Pause and allow yourself to see how crazy it is to be upset about who's right. This is a simple task that requires that you give your ego a small time out. It is goofy to be that upset about whether people agree with you or not. 3. Don't be angry that you are in reaction, but chalk it up to an opportunity to gain insight about yourself. Actually change the meaning of your reaction from something that is off base to an opportunity. 4. Forgive the other person for not having your "wonderful" insight. Hey, they have the freedom to believe what they want, just like you do. 5. Examine if you are possibly wrong. If by any remote possibility you believe that you are in reaction and wrong about it, please admit it. 6. Don't expect them to love you just because you admitted you were wrong. Just admit it and see what happens. That will help you get more real, more humble and will help your relationships deepen. There is great dignity in being able to admit when you are wrong. It is wonderful to be around that kind of person. |
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